At night I dream about my wedding day. It makes me feel like a little girl—isn’t that what little girls dream of while my imagination went in wildly different directions at that age? I remember how I felt at 8th grade graduation when everyone turned to look at Scott and me with all their cameras. How bashful I became! Surely it won’t be as bad holding on to Dad’s supportive arm, the arms I could always turn to for strength and security and comfort, and knowing that another strong, tender arm awaits me at the end.
When I took Stephanie to show her the church this weekend, I sat in one of the chairs as she looked around. Sitting there I could hear Aunty Barbie’s voice when I called with my announcement. I felt very young, she sounded so loving, proud, happy, and aunty. I guess she always does, but it took me back to the years when we lived nearby.
I’m going to walk down that aisle, I thought to myself, and everyone will rise and turn around and see a bride. These days I’ve been looking at the world from more of a parental perspective than from a child’s, so I tried to imagine what it would be like for those who have loved me from the day you brought me home. It must be hard. For several who will be there, it will be awfully symbolic of how they feel. Before they knew it, before they had time to turn around, Catie Did had become a woman, no longer swinging her feet in the back seat singing “Home, home on the range…” My feet touch the floor now, I live where the skies are mostly blue and very close to the range Lorna and I used to sing about.
Some day that will be me in your shoes, turning around, wondering where the time went, and seeing my little girl grown into a woman. The anticipation of it, and we’re talking a good twenty-some years before I have to worry about it, grabs my heart hard. I wonder if I can bear the upcoming joys, concerns, and sorrows that marriage and children will bring? Did you ever wonder about that, or did you want a child too much to wonder? Did you ever imagine this day for me?
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