carrying

I'm carrying a secret. Hush--don't tell.

I am carrying more than that, and where all the world will see. We have not shared this with many people until confirming it with a doctor. This is hard everytime I talk to a friend, my in-laws, or when they ask for announcements at chapel.

It is harder when it feels that everyone I talk to glances at my belly more than once during our conversation. An expert could probably tell that my pelvis has adjusted already. But my co-workers, I hope, only notice that I have a little padding where I used to be flat. If they suspect anything, they are polite, and will be pleasantly surprised in a week or two.

Per my nature, I have checked out a pile of books from the library with more on reserve. Who knew that I should have read the preparatory material before my wedding night? It seemed that "Intended for Pleasure" was all we needed to have a healthy start. No one mentioned what you should do if you were prepared to get pregnant.

So then I panicked that I had already compromised the baby's health. My patient husband stood by as I, with big nutritional book in hand, poured over the prenatal vitamin labels; even more patiently, he served himself a helping of the grains I am experimenting with; more patiently still, he let me nervously plan the next nine months, which will inevitably NOT go as planned.

Then I step back, take a breath, and comment on the miracle taking place. "Our baby is still smaller than a dime," I tell him. Finally, I understand the excitement that surrounds the ultra-sound. When will we get to see?